My brain is soup. What I mean by this is I often get on tangents and ramble around ideas; sometimes even forgetting my original point entirely. That and my habit of being highly obsessive , fixation on abstracts and narratives, and so on, can sometimes make it really hard to phrase my point in a way that represents my beliefs.

I adore words. Little nuggets of abstraction given a noncorporeal form. They aren't real*, and yet we have entire fields of science like sociology and psychology that quantify those tiny nuggets into information structures that have lead to marvels. seemingly resultantly conveying what I mean is easiest in poetry**.

I get lost in the baggage around concepts I feel are pertinent often while other disagree and just seem me trying to drag discussion away from the main point.****** That is the point of digging my heels in this time and putting down roots in the internet. the hope is to refine my ideas to communicate better.

Fingers crossed.

The core of what I am trying to accomplish here is refine my skills to help the all the amazing projects I'm hoping to assist others with and build a coalition buffer. I want to work with those I hate******* on things we disagree on. I want this for a few reasons. To get stuff done obviously, but also to gain info on The Opposition and see if I can if not outright convert them to the correct side (mine obviously); at the very least inoculate them against getting worse than they already are. in doing so I stack the deck. I influence the underlying equation in the situation the adjust the variables so the good guys are more likely to win and The Opposition fall flat.

Now a warning on my beliefs I am a fatalist. I have no doubt in my mind I will fail. The cards are just too stacked against me. I am simply a willing stepping stone, yeeting people up a ledge to safety with no hope of escape. And yet I refuse to fail. I will not be stopped by this particular problem. A book I've read at least a dozen times Armor by John Steakly.******** Every time I reread that book, like all the others, I've found things I missed because between the times I read the book I learned new things that contextualized bits and pieces of the book. I bring this book up because the main protagonist Felix feels the exact same way as me about the guarantee of failure. However, while he had an engine to run when he could not; I have a furnace. But that is another article entirely. Point being I independently discovered a facet of the human experience as John Steakly, who represented it in a story about people that will never exist except in the intangible realm of information. I want to integrate the hundreds of books I've read, my lived experience, and the skills of my trades into a system. I want to see policy completely unheard of and unconsidered before. I want to revive old tactics to revitalize new ones.

So you've be warned Dear Reader.

Footnotes:

An excellent example of what I mean can be found Here, a short clip from Terry Prachett's The Hogfather.***

*** This is why I actually like Maps of Meaning by Jordan Terf Peterson. I understand the, to some, incoherent babbling about Hitler, The Bible, Pinocchio, all that jazz. It really does have some pieces that if you ignore all of Petersons assertions are really neat. Profound even.**** I'll need to write an analysis of the book to expound on what I mean.

**** That isn't to say that Peterson was the first person to assemble these thoughts in this way. A very similar concept from Maps of Meaning is a prominent theme in the book Downward to the Earth by Robert Silverberg.*****

***** Probably noticing a pattern here dear Reader huh? I think of a thing it reminds me of another thing and its an endless chain of Oooh! A Piece of Candy That being said I love Downward to the Earth and think it has genuine value. Most(ish) of my morals and values come from Novels. I don't know what that says about me... Once I do get to it I'll put that stuff on my Lit site when its more done than it is.

******Like my husband loving poking at me for saying "I am the only correct objectivist I've met so far". I briefly explain why here, but ill hopefully get the chance to go more in depth as life allows.

*******Hate is a the wrong word but is close. I really feel a great burning hatred at the systems and those who intentionally use their power to ruin others lives, even if it is out of shortsightedness. I'd pity them as they are victims of the systems of people long dead, but the Steve Bannon and Milo Yiannopoulos have long forsaken pity. All this madness must have driven me mad as well. And it is good. Why would anyone want to live in a world such as this. I think of other people that don't exist like Clara from How High We Go in the Dark by Sequoia Nagamatsu who wrote down all the disasters, injustices, and other such problems where we make the same mistake over and over in color coded notebooks just so someone remembers. That begs the question do I feel the same as Sequoia or does she not share Clara's beliefs? In the Introduction of The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin she beautifully asserts that "the Job of the novelist is to say what cannot be said in words, using words". This is correct. Undeniably.***

******** as opposed to Armor by C.B. Titus a wonderful redemption story.