I have tried to get started participating in online spaces countless times, but it is so hard to break the habit of lurking. The rule is to always lurk more to learn. I could try to lie to myself and say it's mainly because by participating I'm "messing with the experiment" and I lose the ability to have an untarnished view. Talking to people is the most difficult thing in the world and it never seems to get easier. That isn't a reason not to though.

Resultantly of that aforementioned bad habit; I've explored a good bit of the internet, wandering around watching different communities. At most interacting for a short while with a burner before quietly drifting away.

I've learned lots of mistakes *not* to make by lurking. But I'm far too, invested in the world to sit scribble down notes, trying to find the magic formula to save my domain and protect those I care about. I can't keep living in fear of not being prepared enough.

I keep thinking if I just work a bit harder. I'll be able to get set up enough to just have everything fall into place. of I just steal one more day of sleep i'll have the time I need.

But that's impossible. The function for what needs to be done is always changing as variables change weights, get added, become moot, changing relationships it muddles my thinking and makes me take less effective action. Well I'm now making an active effort to change that.

I've spent too much time self-isolating for fear of ridicule, fear of failure, or worst of all, fear of success. I've learned much but my ideas need testing. I need people to bounce my policy ideas off of to know if I'm just some lunatic lolcow or maybe if I've got something.

Ideas need to be ground against other ideas to smooth out the rough edges; I can only get so much feedback from those around me.^* Through conversation we can integrate all the best parts and excise the bad.

I share these thoughts in the hope that maybe some of my struggle will help you come to terms with some of your own struggles. We all suffer the same emotions. The difference is how strongly and how we interpret them.

The world is heading towards a tipping point. We need to start talking actions. Actions and Ideas, like seeds, need time to develop and bear fruit.

The Sand is Too Hot for me to wait any longer.

Now I just have to keep myself out of my own way...^**

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~Footnotes~

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*It isn't to say the lovely people in my life aren't intelligent, far from it; It's just some of the policies I want to work on would effect a national or even global effects. Like the manufacture of Gauge Blocks*** at least three surfaces are required to get a "perfectly" smooth surface. So Rend and Tear dear Reader

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** And punch life in the face to get the momentum going more in my direction so I have more time to do The Work.

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***Sadly for reasons I don't understand, the manufacturing section of their Wikipedia doesn't mention the process of manufacturing Gauge Blocks. I first learned of it from an absolutely wonderful book; The Perfectionist, by Simon Winchester.**** Which I happened to confirm from my formal education and training in Electromechanical Technologies.

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****